The Pink Scourge

"A good starting point when discussing bad wine is White Zinfandel..." -John Weidman

Let's be frank, the South is the only region that actually considers White Zinfandel a real wine. Many people here don't even realize that a true Zinfandel is a RED wine! That being said I can't be too critical because White Zin is where most wine drinkers start... ashamedly, even me (likely at the age of 14). Even at my wedding, the bar ran out of White Zinfandel 10 minutes after the ceremony was over. Shameful!

It is generally palatable, unoffensive, usually a little sweet, and quite cheap. If you're new to wine (read: adolescent), White Zinfandel is seen by some as an acceptable place to start. *Not condoning underage drinking.* To the rest of you, which is likely everyone reading this blog, it's time to GROW UP and begin learning to like real wine! Dr. Bright Eyes to the rescue. It is my goal through this blog to teach everyone how to choose a better bottle of wine. If you like White Zin, we have only room for improvement! Find your level and try something new this week:

Phase 1 - White Zinfandel, Arbor Mist, Boone's Farm
(Adolescent or Redneck)
Do not drink these in public, even if you like them! :)

Phase 2 - Fruity Whites
The natural progression from Phase 1 is to the fruity whites. Again, these are obviously sweet and fruity, have lower alcohol levels and appeal to the masses. In this level you’ll find wines such as Moscato/Muscat, Gewurztraminer, Riesling, Pinot Grigio/Pinot Gris, Sauvignon Blanc and Chardonnay... in that order. These are more acceptable on warm summer days as they can be very refreshing pool-side. Phase 2’s are easily spotted as they proudly drink Chardonnay and look down their noses at Phase 1’s.

Phase 3 - Fruity Reds
(Movin' on up)
Once Phase 2’s get tired of drinking over-oaked chardonnay, the weather gets chillier, or a particular meal or event requires them to drink red wine, they start to branch out and look for other fruity wines. This leads to Phase 3 and fruity reds. This level also includes blush and rose wines, like a Rosato. Yes, there are decent ones out there! Some of the more popular fruity reds include Dolcetto or Pinot Noir, which was made somewhat mainstream in the movie SIDEWAYS. Some lighter-bodied Zinfandels and Merlots may fall into this level too. I repeat: Zinfandel, the RED wine!

Phase 4 - Robust Reds
These wine drinkers have progressed through the first 3 phases and proudly drink the bold, robust wines that Phase 1 through 3 drinkers can’t hack. These wines typically exhibit much higher alcohol levels, tannin levels (the stuff that makes you suck your tongue against the inside of your front teeth) and often have more complex tastes. For less of a tannic effect, choose "artisan" or "hand-crafted" wines such as those at, you-guessed-it, www.BrightEyesWine.com! The fruitiness of the wines still exists but the sweetness is neutralized by the tannins and other flavors. Wines in this phase include Cabernet Sauvignon, Shiraz/Syrah, Zinfandel, Carmenere, Malbec and some table wine and blends including Meritage.

Phase 5 - Appreciates All
(Wine Snob or Wineaux)
Phase 5’s have achieved the top of the scale in wine drinking. They believe that all wines are good, some just better than others and can sometimes be seen drinking white wines just to prove that they appreciate all wine. Level 5’s also have vast knowledge of varietals world-wide and can easily talk about the different wine regions and share their experiences from previous phases of their wine drinking days such as when they were in a Spanish or Italian wine phase. Wines that Phase 5 drinker's may enjoy include just about anything except those listed in Phase 1, which they would not be caught dead partaking.

Thank you to www.redneckwinereview.com for allowing me (not that they'll ever know) to steal some content to make myself look better, maybe even like a Phase 5.

The 4 S's of Wine Tasting: Part I: See

Don't forget to sign up for the newsletter at www.BrightEyesWine.com!!

For tasting purposes, it is ideal to use a clear-colored wine glass with a wide bowl and narrow mouth. (Look for future blogs on the “anatomy of a wine glass”.) Be sure to clean all traces of dirt or detergent before beginning. (yuck!) When looking at wine it is best to use natural light if possible. You can even use a white sheet of paper behind your glass for more accuracy. So, let’s have a look at what you can determine by holding a glass of wine.

The viscosity of a wine, also known as “legs” or “tears”, can be determined by looking at the tipping the wine glass to the side and watching how the wine slides down the side. A prominent teardrop is indicative of a high sugar or alcohol content (or both).

The clarity of a wine is important. If a wine appears cloudy, it may be because it is unfiltered or perhaps it is just some disturbed sediment. However, it often can signify a fault in the wine and it may taste a little off. If a wine is “corked”, meaning it is tainted, it will often appear cloudy and may have aromas of moldy newspaper, wet dog, damp cloth, or damp basement. (blah!) Don’t bother even tasting a wine that appears to be “corked”.

Things to look for in a quality wine
- Defined edge, which doesn’t fade at the rim
- Clear and bright
- Abundant bubbles (for sparkling)

Now, let’s talk about color…

Looking at White Wines
White wines may range from nearly colorless to deep gold. Most are a light straw yellow, darkening with age. Generally, pale wines are from cooler climates and darker wines are from warmer climates. An exception to this rule may be dessert wines that have “noble rot” (a good thing!), and oak-aged whites.
Water white- often Sauvignon Blanc or Reisling
Lemon yellow- often Chardonnay (or sparkling if there are bubbles)
Yellow gold- often oak-aged Chardonnay or Gewurtztraminer
Old gold- often a late harvest dessert wine (Semillon, Chardonnay, Muscat, Reisling)

Looking at Red Wines
The color of red wine can range from pink to almost black. The difference in color is largely due to the grape variety, but can also factor in region or age. In contrast to whites, reds lighten with age: the browner and paler the rim, the more mature the wine.
Light orange/red- often Pinot Noir or Grenache
Garnet- often Gamay Beaujolais
Purple- often Zinfandel (Primitivo), Tempranillo, or blended red
Almost black- often Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot

*Adapted from "101 Essential Wine Tips" by Tom Stevenson